The Day The Leprechauns Attack
by XHopelessxRomanticX
Summary: Is a group of psychos- a telekinetic one, the one who is just there, the cyborg, and teh cute but dumb non-existent weapons expert- enough to save the world from infected leprechauns?


Author's Note: I wrote this story with my best friend Luna-Starr and my friend who shall remain un-named for his protection.

Disclaimer: I do not own Leon, the 'Brady Bunch' theme song, Superman. I do not own anything from the movie The White Pony. I do not own Kevin Bacon. I do not own Lucky Charms or their theme song (although there IS a box upstairs...). I do not own Umbrella Co. or anything from Resident Evil. Nor do I own Tom welling or _Dawn of the Dead_. I don't own the song "This Fire' by Franz Ferdinand. Nor do I own them. Basically, I don't really own anything. All I own is Lisa, and Luna-Starr owns Anne. Sadly, I do not own Jordan either...not really...

"_Hey, do you guys remember the time those leprechauns tried to take over," Lisa asked Jordan and Anne._

_"Ha ha, yeah," Anne said. "Back when we first discovered that Jordan was a cyborg. Our group never would have been complete without him." Anne glanced to Leon, who was playing with his rocket launcher._

_"Aww, I feel loved," Jordan said, then he went boom._

_"Can you tell the story of how you saved the world again? Please?" One of the neighbors, a little girl named Stephanie asked._

_"Sure," Lisa said._

Lisa and Anne were hanging out on a street corner, loitering as usual. Jordan walked down the street. He talked with Anne and Lisa for a while. Then, he stopped to have lunch. When he came back, he had a different look in his eyes.

Jordan laughed mechanically and blows up. "I'm a cyborg."

"That's so cool!" Lisa said. She turned to Anne and whispered, "Wait. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"No, he's not gonna take over the world. Jordan would _never _try to do that," Anne said, her voice sarcastic.

Leon noticed Jordan. "Infected!" He shouted. "Wait, robot. Shiny."

"Can you shoot laser beams from your eyes?" Lisa asked.

"And can you make your head pop off and then un-pop off?" Leon asked.

"And are you made to save the world or destroy it?" Anne said.

"Save it, probably," Jordan said. "I don't feel like taking over."

"I tried to take over the world once." Lisa said. "It didn't quite work out though. My mom made me go to bed." She shudders at the memory.

Jordan laughs. "Nice," he says.

"You can join me and Lisa's group!" Anne said. "I'm the telekinetic one, Lisa has premonitions, trips over stuff, and is just there, and Leon is the cute but dumb nonexistent weapons expert who likes to eat Pez and blow stuff up. All we need is a cyborg and our team of wacky misfit outcast psychos will be complete!"

"Cool!" Jordan said. "Can I run in place and scream randomly? And then kick the crap out of everyone in my way?"

"Of course!" Lisa said.

"And not die and be a bad ass?" Jordan asked.

"Sure," Lisa said.

"And go boom when I want and then put myself back together so I can do it again?" Jordan asked.

"Sure," Anne said. "So Lisa will trip over things, I'll make witty comments, Leon will be distracted, and you can go boom when you want and then put yourself back together so you can do it again."

"Cool," Jordan said.

Lisa stares blankly into the distance.

"Um...guys?" Lisa says. "I just had a vision that the creepy Kevin Bacon look-alike/child molester/leprechaun is going to attack us!"

Anne screamed. "Run away!"

Lisa starts to run, and trips over a twig. Jordan went boom.

Leon opened a suitcase that appeared out of nowhere. "Pick your weapons unless you want to be infected. There's a handgun, a flamethrower, and..." Leon searches around the suitcase. "A pencil? Oh well, better than nothing. Pick one."

"I'll take the flamethrower," Jordan said. Leon handed him the flamethrower.

"I guess I'll take the pencil," Lisa said.

"So I get the shot gun," Anne said.

"But that wasn't in the suitcase," Lisa said.

"But I'm magical," Anne said. "Besides, you can stab people with that pencil. That's cool."

Lisa stabs a random person in the street. The point of the pencil breaks. "Yeah, Anne. Really cool." She looks at Jordan holding the flamethrower and Leon holding his rocket launcher and Anne holding the shot gun. Lisa pouts. "So all I get is this stupid broken pencil?"

"Here, you take the flamethrower," Jordan said, handing Lisa the flamethrower. "I'll just go boom again."

"Okay, thanks," Lisa said. She accidentally burnt something down. "Oops."

"I'll take that back now," Jordan said.

Lisa started crying. "Sure, just leave me here to die." She starts to run away, but trips over a twig.

"Wait!" Leon said. "The pencil is a secret weapon!"

"But," Lisa holds up the pencil. "It's broken."

"It can go boom as well," Jordan said.

"Everything seems to be going boom lately," Anne said.

"Including me," Jordan said.

"But I thought everything went poof," Lisa said. "You're confusing me! This isn't good!"

Suddenly, the leprechauns came out of nowhere and started attacking them. Jordan went boom and put himself back together.

"Get down!" Anne screams.

_"T-Virus," Lisa says. "Sounds kind of like a cereal, doesn't it?"_

_"That was a bit random," Jordan said, laughing._

_"But it kind of does though," Anne said. "We should make a commercial about that..."_

Anne starts shooting at the leprechauns. Unfortunately, Leon thought 'get down' as in dancing. Anne, Jordan, and Lisa shielded their eyes from Leon's dancing. If that was even what you could call it.

"My eyes!" Lisa said. She starts running away from the leprechauns- and Leon's dancing- and trips.

"Is anyone surprised by that?" Anne asked.

"Nah, not really," Jordan said, laughing.

"'Ello there," one of the leprechauns said. "We'll be meeting soon. Well, we already did, but mwahaha." Jordan blew up and killed the leprechaun.

"I haven't shot anything in over three minutes," Leon said. He twitches. "Urge...to kill...rising." He busts a cap in a leprechaun's ass and kicks him. "Must...kill...something...else."

Lisa jumps up and down waving her arms. "Pick me! Pick me!"

"Hold on," Anne said. "I have the Pez tranquilizers

"No!" Jordan yelled. "Superman! Kill Superman! Leon, shoot! We must kill him!"

"No!" Anne screamed. "Not Tom Welling!"

A leprechaun popped up out of nowhere. "Catch me lucky charms. They're magically delicious!"

_"We interrupt this story to bring you this important message!" Jordan said. He turns on the television._

_**Lisa is seen sitting at a breakfast table. The camera zooms in on Lisa.**_

**_"T-Virus," Lisa says. "Sounds kind of like a cereal, doesn't it?"_**

**_"No!" A random person in the audience yells._**

**_"Shut up! I wasn't asking you!" yelled Lisa. "Anyway, have the new cereal, T-Virus Crunch!" Lisa breaks into song. "T-Virus crunch, an infection in every bite! Eat it for breakfast, or even for lunch! Eat some now and you'll be all right!" Lisa dances with a floating box of T-Virus Crunch cereal._**

**_Anne comes on screen. "Manufactured by the Umbrella Company. Act now and you'll get this free rocket launcher!"_**

**_Jordan comes on, and says in a disembodied voice, "Umbrella is not held responsible for mutations, you turning into zombies, attacking and/or eating people. All rights reserved."_**

**_Leon enters the kitchen as Lisa pours milk over T-Virus Crunch cereal. "Infected!" He blows up the box._**

**_"Hey!" Lisa yells. "I was eating that!" She grabbed her free rocket launcher and chases Leon off screen._**

**_The T-Virus Crunch slogan appears. Jordan and Anne sing, "T-Virus Crunch, an infection in every bite! Eat it for breakfast or even for lunch! Eat some now and you'll be all right!" The windows break. The screen goes black._**

_"Was that really necessary?" Lisa asked._

_"Not really," Jordan said._

_"'Twas just funny," Anne said._

_"Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled um, story," Lisa said._

"That reminds me," Lisa said. "I didn't eat breakfast this morning."

"Magic!" Leon said.

"Um guys," Lisa said. "I had another vision. I saw us eating lucky charms."

"And I'm a cyborg," Jordan said.

A box of lucky charms pops up out of nowhere. It grew legs and started running around.

"Lucky charms!" Lisa said.

"No Lisa! Don't take the bait!" Anne yelled. It was too late, for Lisa had begun chasing the box around, tripping every five seconds.

Jordan blows up the box and puts himself back together.

"No!" Lisa said. "Not the Lucky Charms!"

Anne laughed like an idiot. Leon randomly shot things.

A leprechaun walked over towards Anne, Lisa, and Jordan.

"'Ello there," it said. "we'll be meeting soon."

"What are you talking about?" Anne asked. "Didn't we already meet?"

The leprechaun looks at the script. "Oops. Wrong movie. Wait. This isn't a movie. Ack! Confused!"

"Hey!" Lisa said. "That's my line!" She stabs the leprechaun with the pencil.

"No!" Leon screamed. "I'm out of ammo! Ahh!"

"Throw me!" Jordan said. "I'm like a grenade!"

Anne telekinetically throws Jordan. He goes boom and blows up about fifty leprechauns.

"Nice!" Jordan said.

Anne starts doing a victory dance, joined in by Leon. Lisa gives them a weird look.

"Stop. Just...stop," Lisa said. "And we can pretend that never happened."

"Do you do victory dances, Jordan?" Anne asked.

"Nah," Jordan said. "I just blow up for the hell of it." He goes boom to demonstrate.

Leon claps his hands like a two year old. "Jordan go boom!"

"Nice," Jordan said, putting himself back together.

"Jordan un-boomed himself!" Leon said, clapping his hands like a two year old. "Jordan, teach me your ways!"

"Um..." Jordan says. "Are you a cyborg?"

"No," Leon said. "Am I?" Leon starts crying.

"Become," Jordan said. "Laugh mechanically. If you blow up, you're a cyborg. If you don't, then you laugh like an insane psycho and we all laugh."

"I don't understand that," Leon said. "But ha...ha...ha?" He looks to Anne. "Anne, I'm confused..."

"I'm best friends with Yoshi," Jordan says a few minutes later. "He shall join our band of mercenaries."

"We are the chosen ones," Lisa said. "And the world is screwed."

"Cool," Jordan said.

"Yoshi," Yoshi said.

"That's all he can say," Jordan said.

"Ahh!" Leon screams. "It's a little green dinosaur thing! It must die! Infected!

"No!" Anne screamed. Anne telekinetically strips Leon of his weapons.

"Yoshi?" Yoshi asked.

"No! I shall protect him!" Jordan said. "Oh yeah. He can make eggs. And Yoshi is cool."

"Leon, I'll only give them back to you if you promise to be a good little boy and don't kill the dinosaur," Anne said.

"Aww. Okay, fine," Leon said. "Oooh, an egg!" Leon swallows the egg whole. Don't ask how, no one knows.

"Leon, you really shouldn't eat eggs," Lisa said. "All eggs grow into creatures. And all creatures deserve to live." Lisa sets a butterfly free.

"Oh God," Anne said. "There she goes again. A five hour speech on vegetarianism."

"But it's a Yoshi egg," Jordan said. "There's only yummy goodness inside of it."

"Is the egg chocolate?" Anne asked.

"Sure," Jordan said. "Why not?"

During Lisa's five hour long speech, the leprechauns came back and attack.

"_So," Jordan said. "Yoshi threw eggs, Leon shot stuff, I went BOOM, and Lisa stabbed them. While Anne just, you know. Talked."_

_"Hey!" Anne said. "I find that offensive! Remember, I blew stuff up with that shotgun. I didn't just talk." Anne telekinetically moves Jordan._

_"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. So you did stuff too," Jordan said. _

A new wave of leprechauns came.

"Maybe we should flee to a deserted mall," Anne said. "Like in _Dawn Of The Dead_."

"Free stuff!" Leon and Lisa shouted.

"Okay, sure," Jordan said.

"Yoshi!" Yoshi said.

Lisa runs to Hot Topic and steals a new wardrobe. Leon and Anne went to the video game store and played Dance Dance Revolution. Leon accidentally sees himself on the cartridge of a game.

"There's an imposter!" Leon screamed. "Infected!" He shoots the cartridge. He sees another one, and shoots that one, too. Jordan stood there and laughed.

Leon spots a gun store across from Hot Topic.

"Hey," Anne said. "That wasn't there before."

Lisa and Leon walked to the gun store.

"Does anyone know where the anti-depressants are?" Lisa asked after playing with the guns for awhile.

"Probably CVS," Jordan said.

"I'll get them!" Leon said. He went to get them. He returns a few minutes later with Pez. "Here they are!"

"Hmn," Lisa said, looking at the package. "Strawberry flavored." Lisa starts singing. "This fire is outta control. We're gonna burn this city, burn this city!"

"Fire!" Leon asked. "Where?" He attacked Lisa, Jordan, and Anne with a fire extinguisher. Jordan blew up, and Yoshi hovered around for a little bit.

"Yoshi! Yoshi!" Yoshi said.

"He says there is leprechauns coming this way with a mutant frog as their leader," Jordan said. "Do not fear. My elite Pikmin army shall aid us in our conquest to kill all the leprechauns." An army of 127,453,640,583,634,552 Pikmin come to our aid. "Oh, and they can't die, due to my upgraded Pikmin armor."

_"And we all rejoiced and frolicked," Jordan said. "Nah, I'm just playing. We all kicked some ass. Then we stepped out to lunch."_

_Lisa laughed. "As usual. _

_"Anyway," Jordan said. "that is the story -" _

_"Of a lovely lady, Who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them had-"_

_"Um, actually, it was the story of how we saved the world," Jordan said._

_"Yes, it is," Anne said._

_"Can I shoot something now?" Leon asked._

_"Yoshi?" Yoshi asked._

_"Can we just step out to lunch?" Jordan asked._


End file.
